New Group Starting

What is it I want and how do I get there? This group will help you take a look at your dreams, ambitions, desires and figure out what is blocking your progress in obtaining them, whether it be anxiety, depression, or that old victim mentality that keeps you hostage. Come prepared to do experiential process work to take a look at how you are stuck and how to become mobilized out of past trauma, pain, or disappointment.
WHEN: September 16, 2009 thru November 11, 2009

TIME: 5:30 p.m. - 7:00 p.m.

COST: $295.00 for ALL eight weeks
with early registration NOW!


Dreaming: In free association, this word brings up several associations, such as, night time dreams, daydreaming, foolish, fantasy, likes, wishes, wants, desires and a myriad of other possibilities. What words come to your mind? In this, short point of view , I am speaking of dreaming as those heart desires that have floated in and out of your consciousness on a fairly regular basis throughout all the years of your life. What happened to them? Where did they go? Are you living them?
Living our dreams and getting more out of our daily life is the focus of the Wednesday Evening Group that starts on September 16th followed by Wednesday the 23,30;October 7, 21,28 and November 4,11. Eight fabulous nights spent working on you, your dreams, and releasing the old belief systems that keep you locked into old systems of negativity, deprivation, and your addiction to unhappiness. You are not bad for having those negative, deprived, addictive thoughts and behaviors. You have accumulated them over your life time through events and circumstances that have warped your view of your life. It is a common thing that happens to all of us. We live in a fantasy society that says you can have everything you want when you want it. If you don’t have it, then there is something wrong with you! That simply is not true! Here are some truths we are going to be looking in the eye.
Life is hard
You Don’t Get Everything You want when you want it
You will be pushed to your limits
Nothing happens for us by sitting back and wishing

So here is the game plan:
What are your priorities?
What is important to you now?
What is it that makes those things important?
Is it important enough to die for?
No, then why is it important to you? Also, if it is not worth dying for, then what will your daily life be like if you don’t go for it?
Is it important to give up something?
No, then you are beginning to limit your options
Is it important enough to change?
No, then maybe you want to choose a different dream or work on your addiction to unhappiness. There are no wrong choices, just an awareness of the choices that you are making and how they are or are not working for you.
Now, if you have answered yes to at least two of the three above questions then you will benefit from this workshop!
Get that dream out there. What is it? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it smell like? What does it taste like? What texture is it? In order to create the dream into a reality we must define it as clearly as possible. It can be abstract but the abstract must look like a Picasso. It has to have some definition or we won’t be able to recognize it when we get there. Each night will close with a guided imagery for you to work with the following week.
Night One: Exploring your beliefs/thoughts.
Night Two: Recreating Messages from the past
Night Three: Staring the dragon down
Night Four: What hurts are bubbling up below your consciousness? Let’s identify them and attend to them...
Night Five: What actions are you now taking that you would not have taken before? How can you make those actions more concrete?
Night Six: Celebrate your success
Night Seven: Re-examining and Re-focusing
Night Eight: Action Plan for the next six months.

You can sign up for this group now by going to new workshops at www.psychotherapyunlimited.com . You might find the Saturday Workshop on October 24th an advantageous adjunctive tool during this eight week process. Check that out too.

Reflections While on Vacation

Reflective Thoughts for the day, July 17, 2009
Today I got up, dressed, bought a Pike’s Place Market Starbucks in Waikiki and pretended to walk at a clip on the beach walk. It was about 5:30 a.m. and I soon noticed the homeless people asleep on water front benches. With some embarrassment my first thought was, “Wow, what a wonderful view and peaceful sounds to awaken you in the early morning.” I immediately checked myself and said, “Dilley, what are you thinking. You slept in a comfortable bed and you will have a warm shower, an indoor toilet, and gastronomical delights throughout this trip. They on the other hand will most likely wake up stiff and sore, wonder where their food will come from today and search the beach for a public restroom at best. Homeless people have always intrigued me. I know there are many sides of the debate. Maybe they did not make the best choices. Perhaps, they were raped, beaten, tortured as children and grew up to survive as society’s outcast; those you look away from. How long would I last if my life went belly up and I had nowhere to turn and no way to make a living? Look at all the things that I have to be thankful for in this simple paragraph:
I woke up. I was able to move. I was able to see, dress myself in comfortable clothes and walk in comfortable clothes. I had money to buy Starbucks, eyes to see, ears to hear, and hands to hold my cup. I have taste buds and can enjoy the aroma and miracle of the sensation of coffee filling up my mouth and awakening my tired body and mind. Yes, I am still of sound mind. I have fingers to type and a spell check to help me out with typo’s and words too difficult to remember. I will return to a loving partner, a viable psychotherapy practice, and more comforts than many people in America.
Other people woke up today. Some of them on the cliffs of Santa Monica and others awakened in the slums of India. Some did not wake up today. Many woke up in hospital rooms other’s awakened to the anxiety of their friend or family who are sick or injured in hospital rooms. What to do with the dilemmas of inequity is the question?
The answer, notice and be grateful. It will make your day a better day.

Falling Into The Same Old Hole

You know you have tried to change, but regardless of all of the ways that you have tried, you still keep falling into the same old hole. You have convinced yourself that you will never be any different, so you just climb back up in your tree and watch the world go by. However, after awhile, the pain of being stuck begins to beg for your attention. Once again, you decide to try to change. You climb down from the tree but the fear of change soon terrorizes you. Again, you retreat to your tree. If you pay attention to yourself, you notice that you climb right back to the same old branch. From that branch, you have only one point of view. All you see is the same old sidewalk with the same old hole. If you climb to a different branch, perhaps you will get a different point of view, and you might even be willing to come down and cross over to the other side of the sidewalk. The reality is that the hole is not going to change. The hole is in the sidewalk and you keep focusing on the hole.

What is that hole?

The hole is many things. First, it started with a crack in your ability to feel safe in the world. The crack continued to become larger because of its weak secure base. Shame fills the crack with all of the bad messages, scenes, and feelings from past wounds causing the crack to expand deeply into your very soul. The shame comes from messages that you picked up as a child believing them to be true about yourself. As you grew, the messages became larger and more shaming, focusing only on the parts of you that you have to come to believe are bad. In the very core of your being, you believe yourself to be bad, and then you draw all of your energy into sabotaging the good things. Now this is beginning to sound familiar, isn't it?

Let's ask some simple questions. What comes up inside of you when you think about changing branches? Do you say things like?

1. I can't possibly do that.

2. What will others think?

3. What would my parents think?

4. What if I fall?

5. What if that branch belongs to someone else?

6. What if that branch breaks?

7. I don't know what that will look like. At least I know this situation.

8. What will I say to others when they ask me why I did that?

See how quickly your mind tells you that things can never change? You do that out of your fear of feeling your shame and your inadequacies. You believe if you just stay still, then no one will notice your shame. However, if you can just allow yourself to feel it, then you begin to change it. When you deny that it hurts, then you have a problem. For years, you have been stuck in this shame spiral, and with awareness and interventions, you will begin to heal the crack and fill in the shame with healing and healthy messages, beliefs, and activities that will allow you to change branches, take a different look, and then make the changes you have been so desperately trying to make.